AzureHart's Place

Crack, Fanfic, and other Nonsense

Azure’s Wild Kingdom

Not a surprise to anyone that knows me that I have cats.  Two of my cats (Sweetie and Homeboy) are outside pets, but I do confine them to the garage at night and when the weather is bad.  We finally had a sunny day after weeks of rain, so the cats got to go out for a while.  Homeboy imediatly found the fat jay that’s been stealing kibble out of the food dishes and chased him into the garage.  The following is the crazy that went on after that.

The Cast:  Homeboy (HB), Sweetie (S),  Bird (B), and Me *waves*

HB:  *chases bird into garage*  KILL! KILL! KILL!

Me:  *leaps out of the way*  What the…

B:  Oh chit!  *flies up into rafters

HB:  KILL DA BIRDIE!  *runs around garage as if rockets were strapped to his butt*

S:  *wanders into the garage*  Hey guys, what’s going on?

HB:  KILLING DA BIRDIE!  *tries to become air born, fails miserably*

Me:  Knock it off you nutt!

B:  Oh chit, oh chit, oh chit!

S:  *looks every where but up*  Do you hear a birdie?

HB:  *attempts flying tackle of bird*

Me:  *leaps out of the way*


S:  I could swear I hear a birdie.  Hey Homeboy, do you hear a birdie?

HB:  My Birdie!  KILL DA BIRDIE!

Me:  Oh for the love of… *gets broom, manages to shoo bird outside*

B:  Flee to the sky!

S:  I could have sworn I heard a birdie.  Oh well.  *goes outside to sun herself on top of BBQ*

HB:  Darn it Mom!  I almost had it!  *goes outside to sulk*


B:  *sees Homeboy, swoops down on him*   I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!  DIE FELINE SCUM!

S:  Birdie!  *preforms slap-shot worthy Olympic athlete, knocks bird back into gargage*


HB:  *rockets back into garage*  Thanks Sweetie!  KILL!  KILL!  KILL!

Me:  How is this my life?

S:  There it is again!  It sure sounds like a birdie.  Do you hear a birdie?

B:  …being of sound mind but endangered body do hereby bequeath my collection of shiny stuff to Bob the crow…

Me:  Oh for… *throws quilt over cats, opens large door*

B:  Freedom!  *flies out, careens off car before flapping to safety*

HB:  Darn it Mom!  Birds are for noms!  Why do you keep rescuing my lunch?!?  *sulks*

S:  I could have sworn I heard a birdie….

Me:  I’m going to trade you all in for a Chia pet if you don’t knock it off….


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